I know too many girls who are too afraid to ever bring up the Big Talk because they’re worried that it’s going to scare the guy off. Listen, girls: if bringing up the r-word (relationship) is really going to scare the guy off, then he was never interested in seriously dating you to begin with and waiting longer was most likely not going to change that. If a guy is interested and worth your time, he’s not going to go running out the door when you ask him about being boyfriend and girlfriend. Don’t be all like, “BE MY BOYFRIEND” in the middle of a first date, okay? Wait a few weeks, after you guys have been hanging out for a little while.This will give you both time to get to know each other and to figure out if you’d like to be in a relationship together.Remember, both of you may be nervous; and if he refers to his dogs as “his children,” keep an open mind before deciding that his love of dogs is weird. Would you want everyone you meet to make snap decisions about YOU solely on their first impressions? Pay attention to how you feel when you’re with them.With all of this thinking going on, there are going to be times when you need to let go of all the analyzing and just focus on your date. Time spent apart is just as revealing as time alone, so be aware of your initial feeling when they send you a text or suggest getting together. When all is said and done, your intuition about a person is usually right.Perhaps that is what drove me to go on 14 first dates this February.Perhaps that’s also what drove me to seek advice from a professional, or five of them.
This is great news, but it’s 2016, and we know waiting until marriage isn't always the reality. In an effort to explain why waiting a little longer before whipping out the goods is beneficial for a happy relationship, mathematician Robert Seymour and social scientist Peter Sozou conducted a study that showed dating for a while before having sex allows the male to prove to the female that he is “good,” which means that he is willing to care for the female and the offspring after mating.It will also give you time to get more comfortable to talk to him about it. I know that starting this conversation with a dude can be awkward, uncomfortable and completely nerve-wracking. I’ve done it a million times and let me just tell you guys something: I am really shy.So if I can talk about this with dudes, anyone can. Like I said, this might be a slightly awkward convo – there might be no getting around that. Would you rather be lame and sit around waiting to hear what he thinks or would you rather take the initiative and find out where his head is on your own? Here’s what to do: first of all, this conversation should happen in person, not through text messages, Facebook chats or even on the phone.I had a matchmaker tell me the magic number was seven.A homeless guy, who struck up conversation with me in New York City one night when I was in line to get pizza, told me the magic number was five.Well, thanks to science, we now know exactly how long you should wait, for optimal happiness.According to a new survey by Match.com, couples who waited 5 dates before sleeping together reported being 35% happier together compared to those who had sex on the first date.Invariably if the person I’m speaking to has been single at any point in the last decade, then yes, they know exactly what I mean, because if there’s one scenario that’s become endemic amongst myself and my peers, it’s our inability to define a relationship after the first five or six dates. Is it too soon to refer to someone as your boyfriend? If you’ve been on 12 dates with someone, you really don’t still want to be seeing other people do you?But if you’re not seeing anyone else, and you’re seeing a lot of each other what on earth is it if it’s not a relationship?It’s entirely possible that the feeling is mutual; but if they are still pursuing you, find a gentle and kind way to express that you just aren’t feeling a romantic connection.It may be uncomfortable, but ultimately it will save both of you time and free you both to find that person who IS a great match!